How can schools support pupils suffering with grief?

Supporting a bereaved pupil in a primary school

Supporting a primary school child through a bereavement can be complex; at this age, a child will process and handle grief differently to an older child or adult. A young child does not yet have the words to express their grief, so may display their distress through changes in their behaviour. A primary school could easily misinterpret a young child’s behaviour, so it is vital that school staff and parents are aware of typical signs to look out for. 

These can include:

• Anxiety about their own or others safety
• Suddenly needing lots of reassurance
• Struggling with separation anxiety while away from their parents during the school day
• Tiredness at school due to problems sleeping, including nightmares and bedwetting
• Worries about their own or others’ health
• Difficulty in concentrating in class
• Seeming unaware of those around them or appearing emotionally numb

How can teachers help pupils with grief?

Teachers can make a positive difference in helping pupils to cope with grief, without the need for extensive training. In the hours they spend with the child at school, teachers can do a lot to support the child and their family.

• Acknowledge what has happened

The first step is to acknowledge what has happened, as a teacher and as a class. To involve the whole class, you might want to make a card together to give to the child, especially if they are away from school for a while. The grieving child may not fully understand what being dead means yet, so keep your words simple and reassuring.

•   Provide the child with clear information

When talking to children about death, keep the language simple and age appropriate. For example, instead of using the words ‘lost’ or ‘gone away’, which can confuse a child, do not be afraid to use the word ‘died’. 

• Create class activities to educate

Primary school teachers can provide opportunities for the class to learn about death and the importance of expressing feelings. These are important lessons for the whole class, so the child will not feel embarrassed or singled out. Crafting, painting and drawing are also therapeutic and can focus a child’s attention. To enable children to explore their natural interest in death and ageing, a teacher can lay out natural objects for the children to examine, such as leaves, bark and small animal skeletons. 

How can you support the family of a bereaved child at school?

Home and school offer two different worlds for a child, but if they are connected by good communication, then the child will receive holistic child bereavement support. Schools are uniquely placed to offer support to the family of a bereaved child due to the amount of time the staff will be spending with the child. There are a number of ways in which a family may need the support of a school: 

• To access resources to best support their child at home
• To help prepare a child for a funeral or visiting a grave
• To identify the emotional needs of the child
• To provide a familiar and structured routine 

There are also other issues which may arise due to a family bereavement, such as financial problems, changes in housing, safety or mental health worries. A teacher can guide the family in the right direction with regards to these consequences, whether that is to a charity, local authority or school support.  

Does your school need a bereavement policy?

A bereavement policy is important to have in a primary school, because using a planned response will mean that nothing is forgotten or overlooked. Teachers are also very busy, so it will reduce a teacher’s stress and save their precious time if they can access a policy.  

The school bereavement policy covers how the school will respond to different scenarios and which member of staff will be responsible for communicating with the family. It also includes how ongoing child bereavement support will be provided. 

Books for supporting young children with bereavement

Story books, activity books and scrapbooks are interactive and help young children to process big ideas and concepts. Books are also an enjoyable way to learn — the class will enjoy a teacher reading to them. Here are some of our favourites:

• Muddles, Puddles and Sunshine: Your Activity Book to Help When Someone Has Died by Winston’s Wish   
• I Miss You: a First Look at Death by Pat Thomas (for under 5s)  
• Waterbugs and Dragonflies: Explaining Death to Young Children by Doris Stickney  
• Badger’s Parting Gifts by Susan Varley    
• Remembering by Dianne Leutner (part book, part scrapbook)
• When Someone Very Special Dies: Children Can Learn to Cope with Grief by M Heegard (a workbook)

Best counselling services and support groups for primary school children

The local council will be able to direct you to local counselling services and support groups specifically for primary school children. The following organisations can also support the bereaved child and the school:

Child Bereavement UK

Grief Encounter

The National Children’s Bureau (Childhood Bereavement Network)

Winston’s Wish

Cruse Bereavement Support

Hope Again